This is the life
by cheesypuffs
Summary: Gaara wants Ralphy back. NOW. Grrrrrr...wait...there's pie? Pie! Yay Pie!
1. This is the life

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or Gaara and Hinata. I don't even own any pie! But I want to!

Mmmmm…pie…. -drools-

* * *

**Gaara's POV**

This is the life.

I have the picture perfect home.

The ideal blue sky.

The perfect glass of limeade.

And the faultless fiancée.

I stretch out my right arm to reach the table, so I can get my-

_Where is it?_

I turn over on my side and crack one eye open.

_Where the hell is it?_

_Grrrrr…_

Both my eyes open. Wide.

I need it.

_Now._

…But where could it be?

**My POV (as in moi, your wonderful authoress!) **

Whoever had taken it was going to pay.

Gaara stood up from his favourite orange and red striped deckchair with an air of calm around him.

Took a look around.

And then went ballistic.

He started using his sand to throw chairs and tables around. He even picked up the refrigerator and chucked it out of the window!

There could only be one culprit. But would _she_ really do something like this?

**Gaara's POV**

"Hinata!" I call out for her.

"I'm I-in the kitch-chen!"

I had to get to the kitchen quickly. _Before_ I started twitching.

"Have you seen it?"

"S-seen what?"

"It."

"W-what?"

"It."

"Huh?"

"_It._"

"Gaara, y-you're really g-going to have t-to tell me more about th-this 'it'"

"You know…" Could she really be that clueless?

"_It._"

"G-Gaara!"

"Th-th…th-the…"

No! Not the stutter!

She doesn't know?! How am I supposed to tell her?!

I don't know. But she should know really…after all, we _are_ getting married…

"Th-the?"

"The bear!"

I told her!

"Th-the bear?"

"YES THE FUCKING TEDDY BEAR!"

Suddenly her eyes open wide, and I can just about see the tears starting to well up in them.

I wonder if I was a bit _too _insensitive.

"I-I-I'm s-sorry!" she sobbed, her knees starting to tremble.

"Sorry for what?"

"F-for taking th-the bear." She blubbered, falling to her knees.

She took Ralphy? What did she do to him? Where, oh where could Ralphy be?

No Gaara. Stop worrying about the teddy bear.

Your bride-to-be is having a breakdown! Support her!

"It's okay! Really!" I say, crouching down and taking her in my arms. Oh Ralphy!

"I-It's n-not! I-I thr-rew it aw-way!"

She threw Ralphy away?

Ralphy…

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

Stop Gaara. Don't worry about the damn bear! Worry about Hinata!

"It doesn't matter! It wasn't that important!" Oh Ralphy! Dear Ralphy!

"B-but you'v-ve h-had it si-since fo-fore-ever!"

I _have_ had Ralphy since forever!

"No worries Hina."

"R-really? Y-you'll forgive m-me?" -sniff- -sniff-

She's just TOO cute for her own good! How could I not?

"Yes! Of course!"

"Yay!" Yay! Hinata's happy again! I'm happy again!

I smile at her.

"I love you so much! Thank you! I'm gonna make you a huge pie now!"

Did she just say pie?

I haven't had pie in ages…

But Ralphy…

Pie…

Ralphy…

Pie…

Ralphy…

PIE!

"Thank you Hinata. Much appreciated." I'm gonna get me some pie!

She jumped out of my arms, full of cheer and ran off, shouting things back at me like, "You're such a nice person Gaara!" or "I love you!" or, my personal favourite, "I'm gonna make pie for you every day until I find your bear!"

I guess this isn't very surprising though…last week she turned my underwear pink…and the week before that she almost set the house on fire.

Oh well.

This is still the life. My life.

…Pie AND Ralphy! Could it get any better? I think not!

* * *

**A/N: Yay! Gaara's gonna get Ralphy back! Yippee! By the way, if you seriously didn't get it, Ralphy is Gaara's teddy!**

**The pie thing…I just had a vague flashback about something that happened during my life involving pie while I was writing this so I just added it! How can we all NOT love pie?! **

**Gaara got OOC real quick. I didn't think it was that quick, but then I read it over, and he's closest to himself for the first couple of lines…scrap that, the first line, then his personality just goes…KABOOM! I think the pie flashback made me do it…mmmm...pie...-drools more-**

**I put in a bit of my own POV because I thought that that bit wouldn't sound as good if it was from Gaara's POV. And I also wanted to write the bit in brackets, I was a bit bored at that point, it lifted my spirits!**

**Review please! **

_**CheeseboxRocker xoxoxox**_


	2. Guess who's back

**Disclaimer: **I _still _don't own _Naruto_ or Gaara + Hinata! Never have and never will. I really need to own some pie now though…I'm kinda hungry…mmmm….pie…apple pie…mmm…cherry pie…mmmm….tuna pasta bake….mmmm….need….tuna…..pasta…bake….not….pie….no….need….pie!

* * *

1 week after the 'Ralphy is now in the trash' incident

Ralphy's back!

Hinata felt really, really bad about throwing him away so she went thought this week's rubbish, for me.

I feel honoured to have a fiancée who would do something like that for me. She was in bed for two days last week, I think she caught some awful garbage disease or something, but it's gone now…anyway….

Ralphy has been found, but, of course, he has been buried under a week's worth of rubbish, mostly leftover pie, so he currently smells like:

A) A garbage truck

B) Rotten eggs/ a volcano

C) A fresh morning fart

D) A Hobo's breath

All of the above, AND

E) The two month old slice of pizza, the two month old slice of _anchovy _pizza that has been hiding beneath Naruto's bed.

Basically, Ralphy's stench has to be taken care of. Now. _Before _I start to twitch.

"Hinata!"

"Y-yes! I'm in th-the front room!"

"Could you possibly come here?"

There is no way in hell that the Kazekage is touching that…thing…again. No offence Ralphy.

"C-coming."

OK.

Gaara.

She's coming.

Calm down.

Try to breathe.

In…and-OH GOOD GRIEF! IT'S nauseating!

"Here! W-what do you n-need?"

"Could you wash…it?"

"W-what? S-so now y-you don't l-like the smell of rotten e-eggs in the morning?"

Not funny Hina. Not funny. I might die…

"Can you?"

"Say i-it."

"Say what?"

"Th-the magic word."

Oh no way. Not the magic word.

Last time I said it I…I...I…got GLOMPED.

"No."

-Pout-

Noooooooo! Not the pout!

"Come on Hina! Isn't the fact that I love you enough?"

-Pout- -puppy dog eyes-

Oooh. Double threat. I'm not going to be broken down that easily.

"Hinata?"

-Pout- -Puppy dog eyes- -sniff-

OH NO!

TRIPLE THREAT!

IT'S TOO MUCH FOR EVEN THE _KAZEKAGE _TO HANDLE!

"Pl-pl-ple…"

Another word I can't say, is it?

"Ple...plea...plea…"

Almost there!

"Pl-please!"

I got there in the end!

"Yay!" –GLOMP-

* * *

Grrrrr…

I regret my decision.

I want to murder whoever created the triple threat. Now.

I think I have some broken bones. Let me try and move my ar-OWEEEEEE! I shouldn't do that. The other arm feels better.

I've been waiting two whole hours for Ralphy to get out of the dryer. And…. it's…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..DONE!

Yay Ralp-

Oh my. This has scared me shitless.

Ralphy?

All I see is a big fur ball…

Ralphy…?

-Twitch- -twitch-

_No_. I think I'm going have a mental breakdown.

Ralphy?

"Gaara! How did your bear turn o-" -GASP-

Yes. Ralphy's present state is worth a gasp.

"I-I'm s-so sorr-r-ry! I-It's my f-f-fault ag-gain!" -sniff- -sniff-

No! Not again! Does she' realise what she's doing to me! She's making me go all soft!

"It's not your fault! It's mine!"

"N-no! It-it's m-my fa-ault!" –sniff-

Well…she's actually got a point there. I mean, she's the one who put Ralphy in the dryer and everything. Where did she learn to be so persuasive?

Wait. Halt. Gaara. Remember. Fiancée. Crying.

"No, it's fine! I'll get a new one!"

"B-but n-noth-thing wi-will ever r-replace th-his one!"

Nothing _will _ever replace Ralphy! I've got to find a way to fix this!

"How about I wash him again, and just leave him out to dry instead of using the dryer. OK? And while I do it you can make me some more pie. Is that alright?"

Smooth Gaara. Smooth.

"You're so forgiving Gaara! I love you! I'll make your favourite! Peanut butter pie!" Hinata's happy again! Yay! I'm happy again! Yay!

Ralphy AND pie!

This is going to be a great day…now, if I could just figure out how to turn this damn machine on…hmmm…is it this button?

- BOOM! -

Oh shit crackers.

"Hinata!"

"Yes!"

"We need a new washing machine! Scrap that! A new laundry room!"

* * *

**A/N: If you didn't get the ending, Gaara just pressed the magical self-destruct button on the washing machine. Magical, because there is no self-destruct button on a washing machine. I just decided to put one there. I like self-destruct buttons….heh heh…mmmm….pie….-drools-**

**I don't know how to use a washing machine either…all I see is buttons….and dials….and a big circular door….and more buttons…**

**Peanut butter pie…I've never tried it…never even heard of it until I found it on Wikipedia….Wiki tells me lots of things, it reminds me what episode of Bleach I'm up to, it tells me who the lead singer of whatever that band's name is, and about crackers, lots of things, lots of really useless things…like the fact that there's peanut butter pie…**

**Thanks for reading!**

_**CheeseboxRocker xoxoxox **_


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